Can't be bothered with titles anymore,

Haven't blogged since tuesday which wasn't long ago, nothing much has happened.

Feeling lonely at this moment guess I should talk to God, although I can't say I am very receptive to him.

That is something I can work on, my mind has been replaying tuesday over and over and over again.

It just strikes so much pain in my heart, I always tried to bargain a deal with God, I said take the pain from all my friends, take the demons away from David, take the uncertainty away from renee fill the hole in steph and give me all their burdens. I prayed that prayer every day, all I wanted was for them to have no pain and suffering and to live great lives and that i could carry all that pain for them.

Kinda lame prayer but it was what I wanted, God never granted it but i suppose thats a good thing.

I just hated the fact that on tuesday I got mad and people saw me get mad and it was like a glimpise of the tash inside, all this pain anger and anguish came flooding out and no one could convince me other wise of God.

I wanted God to bless me with more than just the talent of serving and I eventually realised that he has blessed me with strength.

His strength and I can't take all my friends pain away, but I can take some and I can help them through life and I can help others thus social worker is looking like a good career option.

I can do that anywhere, you know I am not just restricted to Australia

and recently I have been talking to God sorry this thought is intimate

God said that he doesn't want me to be afraid of the future, life can get low but because he has blessed me with strength I can get right back up and that one day he will grant me a husband like no other. I questioned God and he said he wants me to grow up and marry because I need someone to look after me while I try and look after the world. I was like shucks God thanks, that made my day.

I will phone a friend and tell them about my weekend tomorrow,

anyway im tired

night

tash