Camp

Went through a rough patch,

found another nun!!

I think I got this!!!

Camp should be fun and I hope that I can fill it with the holy spirit and people will come away changed!!

I love you God!!

-Tash

Thought #12

I swear I am bonkers...

Absolutly crazy, but thats me and I should also stop thinking about things,

I have this habit to find floors in everything.

(Its why I always argue with david )

but i need to stop, its not helping me at all.

-tash

the blows of life are hitting harder and harder,

staying strong is even harder,

so annoyed right now

Sigh

hdjsfgausidlfgadusygfdasfhcxvgfdushgdufgaidgfhae;

is all i really want to say

but im determind to stay strong in God

-tash

For david

Hey dav, the songs wouldn't upload so

Tom Jones - Its not unsual
                  -Pretty woman
                  -Shes a lady  (- a big fav song)

Its not your kind of music, but I think you might like the beat to shes a lady.

if you cant be bothered checking all the songs PLEASE just check out shes a lady, that goes for all you readers too!!!!!!

Any way, happy mood has dampend I'm $107 in debt with my next paycheck coming in at a whopping big ol $20, renee i need the magnum back!!!!

I need a job, how the hell am i going to get that money, i am contemplatign cash converters

maybe my batgirl doll she is worth about $200 i think

what about my glass things??

I have a gold soverign weighing not much but could bring me some money

sorry to be burdening you readers its late and i want to rant so badly atm

can i win tattslotto???????

-tash

I seem to be posting everyday, oh well I hope you don't mind my rambling. I tend to ramble a bit and, as my little paragraph below my title says, it's not some mind blowing thoughts just simple thoughts

but anyway, I had my first meetign with my mentor, went well. I rambled again.

I met a wicked dude, what do I do? He is amazing, meaning its not that I like like him,

girls it is that he ticks all the boxes.

any way sorry david that you had to read that.

so yeah mentor went well

all is good

-tash

Still going strong...

Still going strong and I seriously haven't felt this good in a while.

Life is blissful, and the word ignorant comes to mind but I can't explain the changes in me.

It’s like it is a volcano and now I'm erupting, that sounded so stupid. Me who ever I am is coming out, little rusty but steady and surely. After the dinner party you guys know my lame sense in music but one day my guy will find that charming about me ( ;

I never thought I could feel this good, I had a rough weekend and a rough week so far but I still feel good.

And all I can do is thank God, I think I got hope because I finally cried out with all that was within me.

Dude this is so gay, now I’m tearing up.  You guys have no idea how much this means to me.

Renee you can have your magnum back!!!

The whole thing I wrote about 2 posts ago with David, it has done me good. It’s like a weight was lifted and if he has read my blog than all is going well.  I couldn't be happier

I’m off, watching a candle burn, it’s really pretty

-Tash

if you guys don't mind i wish to give you all a hug tomorrow just cause im so happy and I haven't hugged you guys in ages apart from david last hug was like forever ago.

A all time fav song

SIGH

Mmmm

You know what, I think I am healing cause I keep finding parts of me that have long been missing

hmm should i write it here???

I suppose so, please dear readers give me a hug cause i want a hug and just say blog so i know that you got this!!!

So I shall inform you of "classified information" about me:

I love old songs/singers like : Nat King cole, Il divo, Whitney Houston and Chicago.

I love the theatre!!!

I really like shakespear

I am the biggest bork worm

Also I like air supply, Norah jones and classical music and opera

I love ballroom dancing

and calligraphy

also for the time being I am over my dear little infatuation

and I am determind to stay that way.

So remember hug and just smile cause God is great and amazing and fantastic and awesome

and after many tears and heart aches he has answered my prayers and given me hope.

one last thing...HUG

cause i really want to start anew with you guys, and again David im so sorry for everything,

I realised that i held you so tight that you couldn't breathe and thus space was then required

and on top of that I liked you up until like Thursday, I liked you for the great guy that you are and I now realise that I want that great guy as my best friend and nothing more or less.

So again I'm sorry and please forgive me

because i think we can take a step back and start again clear the air

-Tash

p.s Hug !!

solution

After searching for God and healing I think I have found it.

It might take me years but now I have found it it means I can loosen up on eg. David.

I always "held" him to tight afraid to let go thinking I might loose him because sometimes it felt like I had nothign else to hold on to.

I got a mentor, she is 40ish and when she too was young she was abused.

This all happen because God gave her a vision...

Her visions were that I was standing close to God but there was this powerful wind that seemed to separate us and that God said the wind took you away once but I will never let it happen again.

then she said that she saw me in a empty room, there was nothing in this room because it had been stolen from me.

She said how things like who i am, my identity has been stolen.

She couldn't have gotten it any better, it kind of creeped me out.

And alas the tears came but they soon went and we went out for dinner...indian!!!

any way she gave me a lift home and we talked, and I asked her why you, why me?

( you see, I always ask pastor and what not why, why did this happen. they all say cause God has a plan and that is not a satisfying answer)

she said because God gave us free will and those people chose to hurt you, God didn't abandon us. But he gave those people free will and he can't take it away.

My head had ceased spinning momentarily

it slike this great big reassurance has washed over me that every thing is going to be ok.

SO i will take this opportunity to sincerley apologize to:

David, I'm sorry for everything!!!!

Renee I'm sorry for been to harsh on you, and taking you forgranted. I dont know what i would do with out my weekly  make the minutely phone calls.

Steph, sorry for pressuring you, and been to harsh on you. Thanks for slapping me back when I was rude and stuck in my own little world.

You guys are my world, you must understand that, You guys are what I live for, you dont understand how bad home has gotten because I haven't told you. You guys what keeps me going and what i look forward too everyday i come to school. I love you

-Tash

Arhhhhh

I'm 17 sheesh, but I feel like I could be like 25.

I hate you in a non hate-ing way!!!!

ahhhhhhhh, ( i suppose my blog is my thoughts and thus you guys get to read my thoughts)

Steph gave me this song and said it perfectly describes me atm...LOL

"Fallin' For You"
I don't know but...
I think I maybe
fallin' for you
Dropping so quickly
Maybe I should
keep this to myself

Waiting 'til I..
know you better
I am trying..
Not to tell you..
But I want to..

I'm scared of what you'll say
So I'm hiding..
what I'm feeeling..
But I'm tired of
Holding this inside my head

I've been spending all my..time
Just thinking about ya
I don't know what to do
I think I'm fallin' for you

No point finishing the song, thats all there is to it!!

but i'm not sure I mean the list against me liking this guy is almost equal to me liking him which drives me absolutly BATTY!!

But i suppose it will stay inside of me still, no matter how much i want to tell him!!!

He probably already has guessed it and my close friends guessed 2

shows how transparent i am!!!

Dont even know why i am posting this

probably need a good rant

with such luck i might rant on thursday with a close friend but my doubts are extremely high

-tash

???

Dont know what to think,

thoughts got lost in translation

Desperately need to talk talk to some one...

but truth is that i wont and that it can't just be anybody,

Huge problem is liking this person, it causes so much pain in liking them

Ahhhh, but what can be done? I can't tell them, just have to continue this silence!

Shoot me please!!
-Tash

Hmm

Ahhh, the monsters have attacked and I have fallen...

translation

got a cold!

I miss my dad, how weird is that?

Any way,

not much to post my brain has shut down

due to overlaod which is due to exams


LOL

toodles