new day same motion

What now, what do I do now. Do I put my foot down and say no? Would saying no cause the same emotional torment it always does. When do I do what is best for me? Only 2 years left before I go, I am going to go and not stop, who needs to take that look back, what do I look back to.  It scary how much my mind is different now, I mean from what I used to think. I wonder what my birthday will be like, will my family care, care like what I do. When I'm sad people always say I'm amazing, but reality proves that wrong. I mean what have I done with my life to make it amazing, absoulty nothing. I'm just go with the flow, run with the idea. Oh well back to school work now...