Mixed Emotions

Someone gave a devotion at homeroom today and its well something I have heard, it was just phrased differently. You may not have tomorrow, everything you think of like due work or catching up with someone or whats happening next week in the end doesn't matter only today matters. What are you doing now, right now? I'm filling in my log book for driving and well maybe I should start my hw which I have calculated to take me 11 hours. YAY... I don't know if God stirred something inside of me but what was said today turned my world around and I was just more open to God for today. I went to a funeral today, I didn't know how i felt about it, I mean this was the first funeral I have been to that I remotely know the person, I have been to 2 other funerals one was a family friend who died in a car crash leaving 2 young kids and a young wife. I wonder why God let that happen, I mean why wasn't God there to stop that, what about that poor family now? What will happen to their kids? I don't understand the timing of God!!! The next funeral was a father of a close friend, I spent hours talking to this friend during a period of time while his father was sick. The time spent is invaluable and it kinda brought us closer and I just bawled my eyes at out that funeral. I just couldn't see God point of view and I blamed myself that I didn't pray enough or hard enough to save his dad and that I couldn't find something to help him. I went to visit his dad and I didn't know what to say to his dad. I mean what does one say to the dad. So I just bawled my eyes out at that funeral. Now I knew the person at this funeral I was related to her but I wasn't that close, I didn't cry but I wanted to however I didn't even know this lady furthermore I had failed as a christian. What I was meant to do for God I hadn't and now I can never change that.. I must remember that there might be no tomorrow and I got to live each day so I can be happy with my day...good night my dear 3 readers...